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Monday, December 7th, 2009
3:10 pm - Just sharing my new blog


If this may be of some help to any of you , only one soul it would be enough:)
I am sharing to help you find a way towards healing and loving your own.

Blessings and light


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Monday, June 1st, 2009
12:03 pm - Helenina's first book: In the name Of Kali

In The Name Of Kali

if you are interested in buying a copy:)

In this book you are invited to see self-portraits relating to the Goddess Kali associated or not with poems.

Either you will see personas who still build their own prison or strong women who assert their soul without denying their body and who do not want to follow the patriarchy of our societies so they personify Kali's energy.

There you can find answers on how to deal with anger in a creative way, how to feel more at peace with yourself and how to liberate your free speech.

This book is my sharing of feminine freedom so that my sisters can remember who they truly are and perhaps find their own transformative ways to their inner Kali.

Kali is the killer of inertia.
In this book you will see feminine strength, courage, determination, awakening, will and all their opposites.

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Friday, May 15th, 2009
10:39 am - Muse coaching how to awake your true self,heal and make your Muses dance!

You just got to believeAnd I dreamt the whole world was pink

Muse coaching fae

I am offering e-courses as a Muse coach for women interested in reconnecting themselves to the goddesses and using creative healing to feel more in touch with their soul and their true essence.A creative way to cope with depression or anxiety disorder( this is where I come from)
the courses will be every week for month about spiritual journey,art prompts and creative self portrait challenge.

feel free to have a look.

Blessed be!

ps: feel free to delete if this is not welcome, I am trying to help my own way.

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Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
4:03 pm - i have too much candy from strangers

& you thrusted your heavy hearted words into my guts and i fell into this state. If i mix anything i will find myself in a broken hearted coma. And i continue to stir and pick at myself, humming songs that you probably would hate. writing things that would probably kill you. writing you letters and not sending them because i don't know what i'm saying. i don't know how you read the words i write in real ink. oh it's all so daytime tv. the fears that i have. i need a drink.

& really i think at times we are mirrors. You destroy yourself, i destroy myself. We fight till be both can't stand to look at each other's names all because the other is doing exactly what we are doing. i can see you, feel you, hear you. i wish you wouldn't do that...you wish i wouldn't do it either...yet i find myself in those situations and i think of you and wonder what you must think of me. Since i really don't know i think the worse, and i let that knife slide so easily into my belly. I gut myself every single night, baby i'm worthless. No pretty girl, no pretty words. Just scars and ramblings.

My history shows you could end up dead, stabbed, or just too heartbroken to really move on. Don't sign your name on my dotted line. I'm so scared.

You haven't been like anyone i've ever known, but I'm still carlenarose. I would throw her into a fire and burn her till she was nothing but ash, but...she was born right out of my pain. She is her mother's daughter, her true blood bonded one. The one with her features and her words. Oh she takes and takes and her skin slits at any sign of hope. I'm sure my father can see her, how i resemble something wild and how i get into trouble and come home too sad do anything but lay there. I'm sure he sees her, her eyes too cold and her words all negative. Dearheart, i don't want you to see her. You say i don't have mean eyes, but just ask anyone. They all see it. She, me. Me, her.

I...I don't want to be here anymore. I don't like california. I don't like how cold i'm growing. my bones crack at the first sign of pain. i've been cracking...i'm turning to dust. i don't really sing. i don't really dream. i just listen to people promise me things and wonder why. and for how long.

because...i'm not worth the effort. or the pretty words or the dreams. i always crash. and burn whatever is good and pure they say is in me.

can i go into that coma now?

current mood: cold

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Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
8:43 am
bluehoodieboy I know you hate me, and you try real hard,
to wipe away my smile and forget body parts
you told me you loved my thin arms
they always hold you *this* far from harm.
but your legs aren't around me anymore
you've cuddled up to someone new, i'm sure.

Your perfect body,
burns so hotly,
it scalds into my skin,
it aches where you've been.

We want to forget beds and long tangled hair,
responding in quiet, blank stares,
eyes that dart straight to their sides,
walking apart without breaking stride.
forget to remember to remember to forget,
so confusing we don't want any part of it.

The phone rings eight times before a beep,
i hang up, because i don't know how to speak.
there are boxes on my front porch,
with letters on top, bent and torn,
saying "i loved you when we first met,
and i hope it lasts us until death."

my trembling hands held it,
as shivery fingers felt it,
line following icy line,
a frigid lock for a boy's mind.

i don't think i know how to see you,
and you forget to see me too,
we looked at our shoes and then away,
kicking dust without a thing to say.
you look good, "and so do you"
yeah, our new couples look real good too.

you so rarely say "hey, Hilary"
that i expected it to kill me,
to hear you and your mother juggling the phone,
"sorry, she's not home", click, dial-tone.
you told me so very long ago,
"this ended baby, you should know."

formality might be the measure of erosion,
the end that starts sparkling eye explosions,
i don't think i can catch up to you ever,
so "see you when i see you" sounds alot better.
no pleas, nothing sweet, no whys.
silence is the only thing that sounds right.

when something breaks, you don't forget the sound of it,
milk spills over broken hearts, there's no way around it,
try to bury the thought, and turn it down a bit,
and hope to god it's never heard aloud again.

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Monday, February 14th, 2005
8:03 pm - New

Hey, I just joined :)

I know I need to join a poetry community- writing used to be one of my huge hobbies, but in recent months I've let it slide. (Horrible, I know.) I'm trying to join some writing and poetry LJ communities to try and start up again. (Or I could just join a group and never write anything, but we'll see how this works.)

Well, anyway. Hello! :)

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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
11:54 pm

I dig my heels into the dirt, cause this one’s gonna hurt
Won’t let the waves wash me away- is what I always pray
In my heart I know, you didn’t see in the dark, or find your way through me
Now I’m alone, my hands are numb, how do I carry on

At the turn of the tide I feel this part of me die
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive?

I’m held hostage in my head with every word you said
God all those lessons in my past I spit them out so fast I
See myself
With you I act so small, see myself, with you I always crawl
So someone leave a raft for me- the water’s getting deep

At the turn of the tide I feel this part of me die
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive?

Here I am in my insecurity
Here I am with my damaged dignity
Here I am you’re pulling me in too deep
Here I am
Here I am, I’m in the mercy seat
Here I am, running without my feet
Here I am, oh what’s come over me
Here I am

When I was melting in your hand, you didn’t understand
You slip through me like grains of sand, you still don’t understand
Overboard I’m thrown out, to see what you are and what I mean to me
But I will always have my dream- where you can swim to me

At the turn of the tide I feel this part of me die
I’ve been on your shore before and it was no waste of time
Over my head and in my mind
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive

Am I washed on your shore and barely alive

current mood: melancholy

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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
12:39 am - around a point

Ah...allright, I suppose this makes me new. Hello there then. Don't mind me, just rambling.

submit accept fragile surrender
fall into sensation
winged ecstasy, as light as air
but much cooler-
does the pleasure echo in the emptiness

current mood: contemplative

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Friday, July 2nd, 2004
7:56 am

Hey. I'm Shaunda. So with as little ado as possible, here's a bit of poem stuff I've written.

a comedy of errors

test this tentative truce, say –

it was harder than you know,
it was a spiral,
painfully perfect art
me and my brown paper therapist
a love affair long after
you’d gone

disbelief had been the itch
falling in folds past your eyelids
from there, sinking to true magnitude

you'd spent these years forgetting
my confectionary midsection
crooked bottom teeth
reading preferences

and now?

there is no limitless softness,
craning towards the bitter beauty
of should’a-could’a-would’a
only a stranger, patterned after

only a stranger.

current mood: cranky

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Friday, June 25th, 2004
4:15 pm

Shameless advert: The first issue of my zine Ephemera is now available, and I also still have copies of my chapbook. They're $3 each. Also, now accepting submissions for Ephemera #2, "the love issue." To order or submit, e-mail me: quinn at tmbg dot org.

"Ode to a Mannequin"

Standing guard 
In the window. 
Dressed up 
To match the old-fashioned 
moviehouse facade 
Of the sign store. 

Her nametag proclaims: 
Was it made just for her? 
One delicate hand resting 
next to the tickets

Staring blankly through cat's eye glasses, 
   Through the reflection 
Of blind-windowed cars 

Dress stained 
hair mussed 
Ready to animate, run 
If given a shawl and hat. 

Beautiful in her frozen moment 
From her noisy life
And rendered noiseless 
Dimly recalling 
the last existence 
and losing more of it 

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Friday, May 21st, 2004
7:19 pm

Starting work on my first zine, accepting submissions of anything--poetry, short fiction, essays, art, photos, ads for other zines, etc etc etc. Submissions can be e-mailed to selfcallednowhere@houston.rr.com or mailed (ask for my address).

"Upon Arriving in Newark"

We swooped in over a river
I don't know what river--
It was brown and hemmed by smokestacks.
24,000 comedy routines on Jersey
Flashed before my eyes
And I believed them.

The "Welcome to Newark--America's
RENAISSANCE city!" sign
Was juxtaposed with a grimed and graffitied stone overpass
The irony was not subtle.

Sinking into the deep blue seats of the taxi
Bridge sides high enough to prevent seeing
That River
The blown-out factory windows leered at me
And I glimpsed how people become desperate.

current mood: creative

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Sunday, April 11th, 2004
10:11 pm - Looking Out the Hospital Window

(x-posted like a mofo)

(Shameless advert: I have a chapbook for sale for $5. IM ThePeculiarGirl or e-mail quinn@tmbg.org to place an order.)

Standing naked at the hospital window
and looking out at the nightscape
seven stories down
the street spread below me
like a freshly laundered blanket and
dotted with cars
wondering where everyone had to be at
two a.m.

Standing naked at the hospital window
and looking down at the nightscape
you were a million miles away.

current mood: lonely

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Monday, January 26th, 2004
12:24 am - J.

First of all, I'd like to promote poetpenpals. And now, the poem.Collapse )

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Sunday, January 25th, 2004
2:55 pm - Providence

I hold it out to show you:
One wispy arm
White with red crisscrosses
Your pain brought to the surface
Where it can heal.

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Thursday, January 15th, 2004
12:45 am - April 22

Hi, you may remember me as slfcllednowhere. Or you may not, whatever. Anyway, this is massively x-posted as usual, apologies if you have to see it a bunch. Comments welcome and appreciated.

No one is alive at 5:37 a.m.
Only the occasional passing car reminds me
That I am not the sole occupant of this landscape
--still alien after three months
Which hovers under the pre-dawn sky
(That peculiar shade of light grey almost imperceptibly tinted blue
Which never comes to Texas.)

I have endured another of a string of sleepless nights
(Because of you, as is everything)
To find myself here, a default early riser.
I relish the secrecy the solitude grants me
This morning belongs to me alone.

Last night's silent storm
Has left behind a chill in the air and the dull smell of wet earth.
I twitch my cold fingers and systematically observe
My own fraction of the infinite catalogue of details:
A thousand birdsongs, only the crow's familiar.
Smoke billowing from the greenhouse chimney.
Sidewalk chalk proclamations, eerily waterproof.
The ducked heads of flowers ashamed at their own beauty.

My legs stiffen as I run home
Startled to find myself so inspired
By something as obvious as a spring morning.

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Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
7:30 pm - Phantom Pain

Around, all around, the dark memories gather.

My dread grows as the dagger of your words falls against my broken heart.

It mutilates me, and darkly my blood drips to the dead grass.

In my madness I cry out, "WHY?" while Hell laughs cruelly.

Now alone, my cry of mercy falls upon uncaring eyes.

This is because of you!

comment if you like.

current mood: bored

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Thursday, May 29th, 2003
3:33 pm - Been a while

YOU'LL NEVER SEE May 29, 2003

In and out you are ;
Of my life.
I'm awaiting the false signs
Projected from your smile,
The ones that trick my heart
To beat -
I'm wondering how aware you could be,
Of how this
Intern reflects back.
What is it you see in our reflection?
Walking blind,
Carelessly swaying your hips
Looking back to see if I'm staring ;
And I am.
I'm a tired man,
Tired of the playground games ;
I don't think you'll ever understand.

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Friday, October 11th, 2002
6:37 pm

This is the love poem i have written all my life:

My darling one,
My precious one,
My only one,
Lay there like you are sleeping,
Like an apparition I have
slipped in beside you
and gently slid the covers down
soft as angel's breaths
down from your body
to give you all the love
you never wanted
you close your eyes
as i start as your head
something adored must be
handled like a china baby
delicate kisses
you can barely feel
suit your sweet complexion

you never smile.

You hold your breath
against the nuisance,
like resisting scratching
an itch
I have a need
to let my love spill out
so wastefully across you
filling the room
with the smell of a thousand
bleeding hearts
that i have planted in my garden
I thought of you,
as i planted each one
"You are all I have ever known of love" I say
as i kiss your eyelids
they flutter open slightly
so you can see me through cracked eyelids
You like to watch me love you
so pitiful and ugly
I must seem to you
LIke a little bird
found on the window sill
That's fallen from the nest
alone with pleading scared eyes
You give this time to me
and i live in it,
like cathedral
You let me touch you
you let me kiss you
You think to yourself
It will be over soon
I know how to love you
you have taught me very well
I can hear your breath hiss out
through clenched teeth
as i perform the duty of all mistresses
on bent knees
My reward
the feeling of our hands touching my
as you pull me in closer
almost so close to affection
but not quite
but enough
it is enough for now

current mood: contemplative

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Tuesday, April 23rd, 2002
5:00 pm


Darkness guides my hands
Along your silky skin.
My body tingles
In a moment,
Once forgotten only to be
Recognized in this dream.
Animalistic patterns cris-cross
As my brain tries to keep up with it all.
Warmth turns to shivers,
Cold turns to sweat ;
Bodies reminded.
Entangled bodies
Float in the wind like tall grass
Kissing the wind.
Splendors kiss
Be this,
And I can still feel you
Biting my neck ;
Dream revisited.

current mood: energetic

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Tuesday, April 16th, 2002
12:10 pm

Creeping GrayCollapse )

current mood: exhausted

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